Pulling a Christmas cracker

Here’s a festive post to make you chuckle. On our Facebook page, we asked our fans to share their favourite funnies from festive crackers – here are their 20 best Christmas jokes that got us giggling!

Thanks for sharing! If you have your own, please add them in the comments section.

What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast?
The One Show.
Alice Matthews

Why did nobody buy Rudolph and Blitzen on ebay?
Because they were two deer.
Juliet Irene Wilson

What did the snowman say to the aggressive carrot?
Get out of my face
Steven Scrase

Honey G just got sacked by Santa… He said she’s really bad at wrapping!
Jacqueline Roberts

What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
Carrie Lou Talbot-Ashby

What happened to the man who stole the advent calendar?
He got 25 days.
Mirjana Radovanov

What’s worse than Rudolph with a runny nose?
Frosty the snowman with a hot flush!
Caroline Tokes

The three wise men brought the infant Jesus some gold and two types of fancy perfume…
I’m guessing they were expecting a girl.
Lorraine Johnson

What do you sing at a Snowman’s party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
Becky Churchill

What do you call an old snowman?
A puddle.
Paula Smith

Santa’s main elf has quit and set up his own toy business right next to Santa’s after a huge row.
He’s a rebel without a Claus!
Debz Lea Clarke

Why was the turkey in the pop group?
Because he was the only one with drumsticks!
Kay Broomfield

What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?
The elf-abet!
Michelle Bamber

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws!
Darlene Taylor

Two snowmen in a field. One says to the other.. can you smell carrots?
Vicky Evans Jones

Why was the snowman looking through the carrots in the supermarket?
He was picking his nose!
Sandra Clarke

What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
Horn-aments!
Melissa Lee

Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can ‘ho ho ho’!
Joy Lawson

What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet?
Mistle-toad!
Shelley J Stevenson

What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can’t beat it!
Lynne O’Connor

Written by Dan at BreakFree Holidays

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